Bigtown
From Bigipedia
Bigtown Bigtown (born ~2004) is a plush stingray of surprising personality.
Described by many as "a belligerent, alcoholic stingray. Incapable of holding a job. Graduate of Bigtown State University. Currently married to Mrs. Super Mega Bigtown with three sons, Fuzzytown, Lil Bigtown and Lil Broun Bigtown.
Contents |
Family
Bigtown "has several siblings, including Shpotted Bigtown, the father of Mrs. Super Mega Bigtown's illegitimate son, Sparkly Bigtown."1
Personal Life
Although Bigtown has mellowed as he has become more stained with time (due both to his wild toga parties of yore and his more recent tendency to become lost and stumbling, he remains a vibrant if not particularly intelligent patriarch.
He currently has been sober for more than two years [citation needed], attributing this to his mellowing character. Well, this as well as his tendency to smoke Dagobah Green.
In April 2010, Bigtown was featured in Discovery Channel/BBC Documentary miniseries Life, narred by Oprah Winfrey. In the memorable sequence, Bigtown is shown off the coast of Australia, stalking and swiftly consuming a just-molted spider crab. Of the appearance, Bigtown is said to be "stoked" and believes he "totally looked bitchin'" on screen.
Arrest Record
2006: Bigtown is arrested in San Francisco following a bar fight at Kezar's Pub. Having gone to the pub early in the day to watch a World Cup match with Bavarian Bigtown, Bigtown evidently became heavily inebriated before throwing a pint glass in a bartender's face.
Professional Life
Bigtown has founded numerous short-lived businesses in his endless quest for pizza, booze money and bail bond funds. These include Bigtown Driving School, Bigtown Taxi, Bigtown's Computer Dating Service and Bigtown Press.
He also claims to have been a guitarist for The Who in the late 1960s [citation needed].
Code of "Ethics"
Bigtown claims to abide by a vague and gradually expanding code of ethics called The Rules of Bigtown. As of 2009, the code consists of the following directives:
1) First rule of Bigtown is: don't talk about Bigtown [citation needed] 2) Second rule of Bigtown is: talk about Bigtown.
Myths
Many of Bigtown's allegations about his life are untrue. Each of these assertions has been debunked in one form or another.
- Bigtown was not "built in the 1400s"
- Bigtown is not a rapist
- You cannot Build A Better Bigtown (but you can BE a better bigtown [citation needed])
- You cannot prosper by sponsoring a "third down marker"
- "Some of you might think that BIGTOWNS only eat pizza! ... you are incorrect. Occasionally they also dine on calzones." [source: California Academy of Sciences]
Truths
- Bigtown contains lead.
